


Too Much of a Good Thing

by Crumbs88



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Makoto in love is an utter sap like gag-worthy sappiness through the roof :), Nagisa is diabolical (as usual) and also has the hearing of a bat, Rin has a really potty mouth, Sex-monster-Haruka, bad crack, inappropriate sex-and-mackerel-comparisons, mostly bottom-Mako, public sex abounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crumbs88/pseuds/Crumbs88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru takes to sex the way he took to swimming and mackerel and ornamental water features. Makoto limps, a lot. Kou, Nagisa and Rei start planning an intervention. (A fic about good friends, and true love, and sex. But mostly about sex.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I should probably apologise for everything about this in advance really, but it was so much fun writing it that I won’t :D  
> Writing smut is really not my specialty, so it's kind of weird that I'm writing a fic that’s pretty much entirely about sex. It’s not really explicit though so don’t go in expecting too many throbbing members etc (my bad :) ). The fic premise is definitely explicit though, and I should maybe put a warning up for ridiculousness.  
> There was a prompt on the kink!meme about Haru being embarrassingly forward in their relationship - if he wants to do something he goes for it, stripping in public or diving into fountains, and I guess that inspired this, but I wouldn't necessarily call this a fill for that.

_{a sex-monster appears}_  
  
Tachibana Makoto was unusually inattentive at breakfast that morning. He paid no attention to his squabbling siblings - Ren and Ran performed their oft-repeated drama where Ran stole Ren's food so that they could make their kind-hearted brother offer up some of his to keep the peace (their brother was the best! kind of a sucker though), but Makoto hadn't even noticed their well-rehearsed fight, and disappointingly didn't offer up a piece of his rice omelette.  
  
Makoto's mother had noticed the even softer than usual smile her son was sporting, and how he seemed to be staring off into the distance. She mischievously asked if something good had happened to him, but Makoto didn't notice his mother either.  
  
He barely noticed the food in front of him, and it also seemed he'd forgotten the exact location of his mouth - this became apparent when he stabbed himself in the cheek with his chopsticks dreamily.  
  
"Wow! Big brother must be in love!" Ran giggled, and Ren made a face that said, 'Yu-u-uck, love sucks', but Makoto didn't see or hear this either, and Ran giggled harder.  
  
"Truly madly deeply in love," she repeated in a sing-song voice, and Ren mimed sticking his fingers down his throat.  
  
"They do say love is blind and deaf," their father commented over his morning newspaper, amiably eyeing his oblivious elder son, "But I didn't expect to see such a literal demonstration of that." Naturally, Makoto didn't hear this either.  
  
Somehow their brother managed the task of picking up his plate, putting it into the kitchen sink, and picking up his backpack and walking towards the door, humming to himself. It was blatantly obvious that he was doing all these things without any assistance from his brain or eyes or any discerning thought process. He even managed to vaguely wave towards the table and call “Goodbye.”  
  
"My, I do hope he doesn't fall down the stairs," Makoto's mother murmured as the door closed behind him. And then she giggled behind her hand. He'd been humming Brian Adam's soppy love song 'Everything I do, I do it for you.'  
  
This was all very sudden, she'd seen no warning signs of love-sickness leading up to this, and she had no idea what had happened to Makoto to make him suddenly act so drunkenly-in-love. It was a little sad - it would always be a little bittersweet for a parent to see their child growing up, she supposed - but it was nice to see her baby so happy.  
  
(Luckily, the one thing the Tachibana family did not notice about their eldest son/brother that morning was that he was limping ever so slightly.)  
  
Outside the door, Makoto sighed, deliriously, and somehow managed to navigate his way up the stairs without noticing.  
  
He didn't even notice the white cat presumptuously lounging on the third step to the top, imperiously waiting for Makoto to give her his daily tickle under her jaw.  
  
"I'd cry for you," he crooned (but softly, Makoto wasn't an exhibitionist, even armed with a great singing voice and in the throes of love), "I'd die for you! Something something, _nani,_ " his English wasn't great, in fact it was kind of awful, but the words of the song weren't difficult, "I'd lie-e-e for you! You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you!"  
  
And with that, he reached the door of Nanase Haruka's house, and his vision made a sudden and alarming reappearance, most of the cloudiness drifted away, and he saw, really _saw_ the door in front of him. In exchange a wave of warmth assailed him, emanating from his chest and rising like the tide until the warmth settled on his cheeks glaringly, splashing out a little to tint his ears red as well.  
  
Last night at 9PM he'd walked out of this very doorway and two things had been irretrievably lost to him forever. His first kiss was gone - just like that, like magic, and so was his virginity. And he'd gained one thing as well, a lover; a boyfriend. Last night at 6:13PM Haruka Nanase had confessed to Tachibana Makoto, leaning over a bowl of mackerel, and he'd promptly been robbed of his first kiss. And a little later that night the virginity had followed suit and gone slithering down the drain of forever.  
  
If last night's dream-like sequence of events hadn't happened, Makoto would probably have been less than eager to give away his second first so rapidly after losing the first. He wasn't a prude or anything, but he'd always thought he'd greedily rather savour both moments separately, so that he had two memories to hold onto.  
  
But he'd been so intoxicated after the confession he'd dreamed of but never thought he'd receive; so excited by the initially gentle and then passionate kisses; the warm throbbing feelings of his too-pliant body against that of the boy he loved; and by the look in Haru's eyes. Oh, that look in his eyes, the way he hadn't stopped looking, as if he would never look away. Makoto hadn't even put up a token protest by the time they were naked and a jar of aqueous cream had miraculously appeared in Haru's hands, because it was _sex_ , and he was seventeen, and it was _Haru_ , and he was _seventeen_ , and it was everything he'd ever dreamed of. And he didn't regret it, because even though it was only one memory, it was the best memory he'd ever had.  
  
Last night had been the best night of Makoto's life.  
  
"...And can you feel the love to-night?" he hummed to himself and stretched a hand out to ring the doorbell, and then finally a little bit of the normal Makoto Tachibana asserted himself.  
  
'But what if Haru regrets last night?' he thought, and his mental happiness clambered off Cloud 9 to settle on Cloud 8, possibly. He was still feeling good, treacherous thought or no. He gave the doorbell a quick ring, this was just a courtesy, and then without waiting started walking towards the back of the house.  
  
'Maybe he thought he wanted this (he'd been very forward last night after all) but he didn't and now he wants to go back to being friends?'  
  
No, no, there'd been that way Haru had looked at him all night, even after the main event where they'd cuddled for an hour and Haru had just touched and caressed and stared. Makoto had eventually reluctantly got out of bed and out of the bubble of amazingness - he'd promised Ren and Ran he'd read to them that night, but even then Haruka had given him a long lingering kiss at the doorway, and he hadn't wanted to let go of his hand.  
  
He pushed the back door open.  
  
'But what if he was just doing what he thought I wanted? Haru is a good friend and a good person, and maybe he knew I wanted this, and he doesn't and,' Makoto padded his way into the bathroom, 'And now he's stuck in a life-long relationship of servitude to me even if it wasn't what he really wanted, just to make me happy? What if he doesn't want me?'  
  
The thoughts halted right there, because Nanase Haruka was in the bathtub as was his wont, but he was not listlessly staring at the bathroom tiles as he usually did, or submerging himself in water, half-ignoring Makoto. No, today he was staring at Makoto raptly, a hungry look in his eyes. Those electric blues held Makoto's gaze for a moment, and then the eyes lazily travelled downward, swiping across his torso and then his crotch, before settling back onto his face.  
  
Makoto's blush made a reappearance, but he managed to act natural and stretched out his arm manfully, offering it to Haruka. Haruka eyed it speculatively, and extended his own hand.  
  
" _Ohayo_ Haru-ch..." Makoto began, and was promptly yanked into the bathtub, clothes and all.  
  
After he finished sputtering in indignation, clothes drenched, limbs uncomfortably sprawled into all sorts of weird angles like a really big spider, Haruka calmly covered the back of his head with a wet hand and pulled their heads together. Makoto forgot about indignation (and spiders, yeurgh) for the moment and kissed back, 'Our first kiss on our second day of being a couple! And our first kiss in the bath - probably not the last knowing Haru,' he mentally marked down another mini-anniversary, and then pulled away. "Haru, my clothes are drenched! How can I go to school like this?"  
  
"Let's not go to school," Haruka suggested blankly. His actions belied the monotone in his voice as he pulled Makoto's head closer again.  
  
Makoto was strong. He had nerves of steel. He managed to pull away from the tantalising warmth of Haruka's lips yet again. "Mpphh, we have a test in Biology," he said sternly, but he couldn't help grinning a little giddily at the way Haruka was staring fixedly at his mouth, and how his gaze deliberately raked its way down Makoto's wet school shirt.  
  
"So we'll go after lunch," Haru compromised, pulling Makoto closer - yanking his school tie this time, a most effective tactic - and locking lips. He did give into the kiss this time, moaning a little at the wet tongue lazily swiping at his already half-open mouth, at the hand lazily caressing his back through his wet shirt. Makotos' hands scrabbled for purchase to steady himself, and one hand balanced on Haruka's chest - so smooth and warm and hard, the other grasped the top part of a water-covered thigh. Which was when he realised Haruka was most definitely not wearing a swimsuit in the bath.  
  
Haruka was wearing nothing in the bath.  
  
His face heated up again. "Haru," he objected half-heartedly through the kiss.  
  
"Isn't it fine?" Haruka mumbled through Makoto's lips. He disengaged, gently tilting his forehead against Makoto's, and looked at Makoto, really looked, blue eyes open and direct. "I want you," he said simply.  
  
Huh. It seemed his worries had been for naught. Haru wanted him too; he still wanted him. Last night hadn't been a lie. He could confirm the truth of that in Haruka's shimmering eyes again, that steady honesty captured in blue, in daylight this time. His eyes said it even more convincingly than his lips had. 'I want you.' His left hand was his most convincing body part, it turned out, because it steadily pressed against the clasp of Makoto's pants, stroking once over an already shamefully interested erection. (He was _seventeen._ )  
  
Makoto promptly turned into putty and leaned in for another, lingering kiss, ('anniversary of the first time I initiate kissing,' he mentally noted), and his hand shifted a little higher onto Haru's thigh as the other boy's hands deftly went to work unbuttoning his soaked school pants.

* * *

Amakato Miho's eyes bored into theirs when they traipsed into class just before lunch break, in time for the last ten minutes of algebra. Haruka seemed particularly unimpressed by this - as if it would be okay to turn up for art, but not algebra. He'd been very unimpressed in general that Makoto had finally wanted to leave the cosy, orgasmic world of the bathtub, had wanted to disentangle his limbs and wash off the sticky mess both of them had become in favour of going to school. Then he'd been unimpressed that Makoto didn't want to keep holding his hand on their trek through the school hallways, or that he'd prevented him from pushing him against the row of lockers outside the classroom for a quick make-out session where anyone walking past could have seen them.  
  
Ama-chan was usually fairly lenient about latecomers, or even class-skipping (Haruka did that all the time anyway) but she seemed suspicious now.  
  
Makoto suspected that the enormous hickey emblazoned on his neck had a lot to do with that - Haruka was no dolphin, Haruka was a bloody piranha, he'd feasted on Makoto's flesh. He'd tried to hike up his shirt so that the collar was higher and covered the flaming mark, but it hadn't been particularly effective, and looked weird anyway. Haru had had no concealer in his house, and Makoto had no intention of sneaking back into his own home at 11AM - long past the time he should have been in school - to steal his mother's concealer.  
  
"So, why are you two," Ama-chan glanced at her watch, "three and a half hours late?"  
  
Haruka eyed her like a lizard would eye a rock, and then opened his mouth.  
  
Makoto just knew he was going to say something like, "We were having sex," without blinking. (And yes, that was certainly the truth, they'd had sex - they'd done it in the tub, twice, it had been mind-blowing, even better than last night, because they'd known what to expect this time. But Ama-chan-sensei did not have to know that. Honesty was a very admirable trait but sometimes you just **had** to lie) and so he cut in breathlessly. "We were saving. A kitten. From drowning."  
  
Ama-chan looked at him as if he'd grown another head, and Haruka turned the implacable lizard-gaze onto him.  
  
"It scratched me. On the neck. Here," Makoto improvised, pointing at the hickey. Haruka rolled his eyes, definitely unimpressed now. "It had very big claws, almost like a lion, even though it was so tiny. But we saved it. It took a long time. Three hours. Sorry for being late."  
  
Ama-chan-sensei's hands were on her hips now. "And where was this kitten drowning?"  
  
"In the sea," ohgods, he'd never get to heaven now, all this lying. "That's why it was so difficult, it was very small and..." Ama-chan-sensei's foot was tapping, "The sea is very big," Makoto finished lamely.  
  
"Cats don't like the sea," Ama-chan said. Oh, she knew. She definitely knew.  
  
Haruka nodded at this, apparently silently agreeing that cats didn't like the sea.  
  
"And how did you two notice this tiny kitten in the sea?"  
  
Haruka looked at Makoto enquiringly, as if he also wanted to hear the story.  
  
"It was a miracle," Makoto muttered, fidgeting, "And err, it was ginger-coloured. So it contrasted with the blue. Of the ocean."  
  
Amakata growled under her breath. "You boys," she muttered, and then wagged a finger, a sure sign that she was going to trot out some or other proverb or quote. "As George Washington said, “It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one,” and in this situation I’d interpret that to mean, ‘If you tell a lie, make sure it's a good lie.’ "  
  
Makoto pretended to be confused. Haruka had lost interest, but instead of gazing out of the window longingly as he would usually have done, he was gazing at Makoto as if Makoto was a juicy, fat mackerel. Makoto squeaked and coloured.  
  
"Your punishment is that you have detention in your lunch break, so that you can catch up to the work you missed while you were 'saving kittens'." Ama-chan glared at them meaningfully.  
  
"It was only one kitten," Haruka said tonelessly, as Makoto hung his head obligingly and then returned to his desk, mentally wincing at the thought that he'd have to be sitting down on a hard surface for a few hours from now on.  
  
Haruka followed. "That means we can't have a quickie in the locker room at lunch," he murmured desolately as he sat down, and Makoto buried his burning face in his arms.

* * *

 _{to yaoi!fangirl or not to yaoi!fangirl}_  
  
There was a rattle inside the swimming club locker room, and Kou paused with her hand on the doorknob. She'd expected to get to the club first - she usually did, unless Haruka-senpai ditched class to swim, and even then he could usually be found swimming in the pool, not in the locker room, so the rattling sound was a little unexpected.  
  
She cocked her head - there it was again - rattle, rattle, followed by a thud. A rat, maybe? Thud again. Rattle. And that sounded like a breathy moan, a sort of 'aaaaah.'  
  
Not a rat then. Kou's eyebrows shot up, and she pressed her head to the door carefully. Thud. And then, aha! "Haru, no! Not here!" No doubt that was the captain's voice, but - and Kou's cheeks reddened to match her hair - Tachibana Makoto sounded very flustered; his voice high and squeaky, and even through the closed door she could hear breathless panting.  
  
'BL! Sex! Yaoi! Muscles!' the words passed through her head rapidly and reflexively. Her heart pounded, and torn between excitement and embarrassment she tried to compose herself. She was no _fujoshi_ (she told herself primly), she preferred ogling muscles to watching men make out, but come on, it wasn't like she was averse to the thought of pretty pretty Makoto-senpai with his lovely, crinkly back muscles and hot Haruka-senpai; he of the magnificent triceps, kissing each other. The more she envisioned it, the more her face flamed, but she took a firm hold of her galloping heart and thumping pulse. 'You are not a yaoi-fangirl Kou,' she reminded herself. ‘Life isn’t about yaoi.’  
  
No, life was about muscles, solitary beautiful muscles flexing on their own, or collectively. Life was a beautiful muscle symphony, a muscle harem, muscles prodding other muscles into beautiful, rippling muscular performances that deserved standing ovations and sonnets written to glorify them... She sighed and then backtracked.  
  
Right, sexy noises in the locker room. Even though Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai did sometimes seem very gay for each other what with the meaningful stares and soft special smiles they showered on each other - she stifled a giggle at this, she wouldn't ever say that to them of course - they were no doubt massaging each other or something. There was a rational explanation for the sounds, there had to be.  
  
'And the rational explanation is that they're having sex,' a dirty part of her subconscious whispered to her as Makoto-senpai let out another shuddering moan, and an "Ah, Haru-u-uu!"  
  
And now the thumping sounds were intensifying and quickening, and it was 'thud-a-thud-a-thud-thump-thump-thump-thump-thumpthumpthumpthump,' and Kou backed away from the door, feeling heat spreading to her ears, her shoulders, somehow freezing her brain and body with it's warmth. Her heart was thumping almost in sync with the thuds coming from the locker room. She wished that it was her imagination, but the thumps were accompanied by sort of wet-slapping noises - really _really_ dirty noises - and now Makoto was going, "Ah, ah, ah, ah, Haru! Ha-ru!"  
  
'No way. No way. It's really really real sex.'  
  
And finally the other participant made himself heard, and it was Haruka-senpai's voice, low and breathless, saying, "Come for me Makoto." Kou couldn’t help herself, it was too much too fast, so overwhelming, she was too young and innocent for this, she'd never even seen porn - she turned and ran.

* * *

 _{if i could turn back time}_  
  
When it was all over and done with Rei would retrace his steps on what he'd henceforth call 'that fateful day' and start by wishing that he hadn't carelessly left his copy of 'Madame Butterfly' in the locker at the swim club. (He'd been reading all sorts of butterfly literature lately, hoping to be inspired by that beautiful fluttering creature. Honestly though, the butterfly stroke didn't feel like a butterfly at all – it was not light and fluttery. It was powerful and heavy, and should maybe have rather been called the eagle-swoop-stroke or something, or possibly swimming-bear-stroke; maybe he'd be more inspired if he read about eagles or bears.)  
  
He'd also subsequently wish he hadn't realised he'd left it, and fervently wish he hadn't decided that it was imperative to return to school halfway to the train station and go all the way just to retrieve a book that didn't have much to do with butterflies at all.  
  
'After all,' he thought in the heavy throes of hindsight, 'It wasn’t like I would have had much time to read on that day. There was a lot of homework to do.' The homework hadn't been done, it had _never_ been done, but he tried not to think about that.  
  
It had happened nonetheless, regret it as he now might: he'd noticed the absence of book, he'd determined to go and fetch it - school would still be open for at least half an hour or so, and there was another train in an hour, he'd reasoned to himself - and his footsteps had traced that fateful path back to school; towards the swimming club and into the locker room.  
  
And then, and then, he'd heard the voices coming from the pool. Oh, if only he hadn't heard the voices. If only he'd _ignored_ the voices.  
  
It had been Makoto-senpai and Haru-chan-senpai, and Makoto-senpai was laughing freely - he had such a bubbly, joyful laugh, rarely heard - Makoto smiled all the time but his laughter wasn't that frequent, and even Haru-chan-senpai was letting out low chuckles.  Rei, still in the innocent confines of the locker room, felt himself beam at the sounds of the happy voices of the others. He really cared for his friends. He hadn't expected to feel that way about these people when he'd joined the swim club, but now their happiness was important to him, and their laughter could make him smile.  
  
He didn't want to infringe on their privacy (oh, if only he'd run with that) but he couldn't resist just poking his nose out of the locker room to see what they were laughing at, or at least just to see them laugh and feel a little warmer. They didn't even have to see him, really, he'd thought. (He weeped at the memory of that thought now; they had seen him, and he had seen them, and he could never, _ever_ unsee them.)  
  
So he'd made that last fateful step and opened the club room door - not loudly, but not furtively either, and his gaze had alighted on them. At first he'd seen nothing particularly untoward - Makoto and Haruka were still in the swimming pool, next to the side, and Makoto's laughter had subsided into sweet, breathy giggles - such an unexpected sound from such a tall boy. Haruka was smiling and seemed to be hoisting Makoto up in his arms. That had surprised Rei a bit; those two were always close, and he envied their strong bond sometimes, but he'd never seen them be demonstrably affectionate physically. Perhaps they were dancing in the water? There was a school dance coming up, so it was probable that they were practising dancing, wasn’t it? Maybe he could ask for help too, he’d studied the theory on dancing, but practical application was often helpful.  
  
Haruka blew a raspberry on Makoto's collarbone - 'very affectionate when they're not in public' Rei remembered thinking wonderingly, and feeling a little like a voyeur. "That tickles!" Makoto had sputtered laughingly, such an innocent sound, and Rei had started to smile indulgently. They were so swee...  
  
And then his smile had frozen, because – he’d wished he'd somehow not been wearing his spectacles; _if only he hadn't been wearing spectacles_ \- he'd noticed the bright green and purple of two swimsuit jammers tossed carelessly next to the poolside.  
  
His eyes had travelled back to Makoto and Haruka and focused beneath the water, even though he'd already been willing his eyes not to do that. Treacherous eyes, they hadn't obeyed, instead they'd slowly zoomed in on what was going on beneath the blue ripples of the water surrounding the two best friends. And then his mouth had joined in the treachery too and betrayed him solidly - _et tu Brutus_? - and let out a loud, startled yell, because Makoto and Haruka were naked in that water, and Makoto's legs were wrapped around Haruka's waist, and he couldn't see everything - thank god - but their hips were moving slowly and rhythmically, and THAT wasn't dancing, they were definitely not dancing, and he finally pulled his eyes away but it was too late.  
  
Makoto had looked over Haruka's shoulder and seen Rei, let out a squawked "Rei!" and immediately coloured like a lobster. Haru-chan-senpai had merely tilted his head back, noticed Rei, nodded in calm acknowledgement, as if he were merely passing Rei in the school corridor and not having sex with his best friend in the school pool and tainting Rei's innocence forever.  
  
Then he’d focused on the scrabbling Makoto who was trying to disentangle his limbs from him. Haru-chan-san had kept a firm grasp on Makoto-senpai's hips, preventing that. "Ignore him," Rei’d heard Haru-chan-san murmur, eyes solely on Makoto. "You're close right? Just focus on what feels good."  
  
He still doesn't know whether Haruka's entreaties worked, (and he doesn't want to) because at this point Rei's feet, entirely without any direction from his brain, decided to make a run for it to prevent more emotional scarring.

* * *

 _{get yer free live porn now, get it while it's hot}_  
  
Nagisa's grin widened as the noises he’d heard when he opened the boy's bathroom door - squelchy slapping noises and heavy breathing - suddenly subsided.  
  
"Wait. Someone's here," someone hissed in a whisper. To his credit, the whisperer was really quiet, but too bad for him, Nagisa had superb hearing, he was like a bat. He could hear _everything._  
  
"So what? Let’s keep going," another voice hissed back petulantly - this one wasn't making that much effort to be quiet.  
"Please, let's just stop till he leaves," the first whisperer wheedled, and he could hear two people reining back their breaths, he could feel them trying to remain absolutely motionless. He almost whistled as he sauntered over to the tap and bent over to take a drink of water.  
  
Someone in the bathroom stall let out a tiny tiny breath, and he thought he heared the slight scuffle of a shoe. Nagisa was not naive, duh, there were two guys in there having sex, and they were obviously waiting for him to leave.  
  
...So he was going to tease them of course.  
  
He made a show of turning off the tap and then grinned at his reflection in the mirror. Even he was a little surprised at the deviant glint in his own eyes. Then he walked back to the bathroom door, slowly, suspensefully. Tap, tap, tap, were the sounds of his shoes slowly, very slowly ambling across the tiles. He could faintly hear the dripping of an unclosed tap, and the stilted breaths of two, yup definitely two people in the bathroom stall on the far side. One let out a small sigh of relief as Nagisa reached the door and started pulling it open, slowly, slowly... and then, perversely, he abandoned the door and ambled back towards the tap loudly.  
  
One of the boys couldn’t help it, they let out a sigh of disappointment, quickly muffled - Nagisa supposed the other guy had clamped his hand over the sighing one's mouth. He stared at the tap for a while, twiddled his thumbs, and then repeated his previous performance of slowly, slowly sauntering back to the door. He wanted to cackle with laughter, really, he could just about feel the exasperation of the two boys in the air, it was so thick.  
  
This time he did fully open the door and walked out of the bathroom, even letting the door swing almost shut behind him. He left it slightly ajar to listen through though. Nagisa hovered, grinning wickedly.  
  
Immediately, stupidly, the sounds of frantic sex resumed, muffled but still audible through the crack in the door, and Nagisa felt a little flustered despite his evil intentions. Those two were really going at it. Nevertheless, a little embarrassment had never stopped Hazuki Nagisa. He could hear muffled groaning too, it sounded like they were both trying to hold back their voices, and not entirely succeeding.  
  
He waited until the sex sounds were speeding up and it was obviously becoming more difficult to hold back the moans, and then he gleefully opened the door again with a mighty creak and walked back into the bathroom.  
  
As expected the sounds stopped again, but he could sense that it was more frustrating and difficult this time to be quiet, to not move. The air also smelled more pungent now, more sweat, more sex (Nagisa’s nose was hella-fine too.) 'They're probably close,' he thought, and slowly and torturously started the task of washing his hands in the sink, all the while pricking his ears for every breath let out, every muffled squeak. The soap made squelching noises, and Nagisa washed his hands more thoroughly than he ever had in his life, paying inordinate attention to the bubbles the pink liquid made. It took at least three minutes.  
  
Then he turned off the tap, and the water petered down to trickle, and then a drip.  
  
"You don't have to stop on my behalf, you know. It's not good to hold it in," he finally, and casually informed the bathroom at large, and there was an embarrassed squeak from the stall against the wall - a familiar squeak, actually.  
  
Nagisa bent down, unashamed, to look at the shoes in the last stall - yup, Makoto's big orange shoes were there all right, and hey, those blue ones behind them were definitely Haru-chan's.  
  
"Hi Mako-chan, Haru-chan!" he said sunnily, and the two people in the stall went "Urk."  
  
"I hope you're using a condom," Nagisa continued, drying his hands cheerfully. There was absolutely no response, although he could sense Makoto burying his face in his hands, he has a kind of sixth sense for these kind of things – it was like he has super-hero powers when it came to people being embarrassed, it was kind of awesome. (Or maybe he just knew his friends that well.)  
  
"And remember to wash your hands afterwards. Happy sex!" he said, and punched the air.

* * *

 _{swearing is caring}_  
  
Mikoshiba Seijuuro was standing outside the shower room, laughing explosively and expansively, ears decisively red when Rin finally made his way over there. He'd opted for swimming an extra ten laps in an attempt to avoid the Iwatobi-congregation. They had once again managed to weasel an invitation out of someone to swim at his school and had invaded the pool.  
  
He eyed his laughing captain for a moment - nobody was with him, and he didn't see anything overtly funny in the immediate surroundings - but then Mikoshiba was the sort of person who laughed loudly and warmly, often at nothing in particular that Rin could see. He was just that kind of cheerful, unembarrassed person. It was kind of annoying.  
  
Time to shower then, hopefully Haruka and hangers on had already left the locker rooms and gone home, where they belonged. He brushed past his captain, and was surprised when a firm hand clasped his shoulder. Mikoshiba attempted to reign in his gasping hyena-laughs long enough to say, "I wouldn't go in there if I were you."  
  
"Tch," Rin grumbled, "What, they're still busy in there?"  
  
Seijuuro let out an agonising peal of laughter at that. "They're still busy in there," he wheezed, and Rin scowled - whatever, the captain was really strange today - and pushed his way into the shower room regardless of the heavy warning hand on his shoulder. It was fine, he'd ignore them then if they couldn't move their arses quickly enough to...  
  
Oh gods.  
  
He exploded reflexively, backing away back to the comparative safety of the door as he did so.  
  
"Jesus, what the fuck Haruka? Holy shit, what are you...? Makoto, that's fucking indecent, fucking hell! ...This is not okay. It's not okay. You bastards! Fuck."  
  
All he could think of as he desperately heaved against the door to get away were the innocent faces of 9-year old Makoto and Haruka, large eyes shining as they giggled at Rin's jokes, as they cried over goldfish, as they said, "I only swim free." How had _that_ turned into _this_? ...How had they managed to get into that position anyway? Was Haruka double-jointed?  
  
He managed to push back through the door and his wild eyes met the knowing, laughing ones of Seijuuro Mikoshiba.  
  
"Fuck," Rin said simply.  
  
"Maybe it's best to take a shower in your dorm room," the captain said sagely.  
  
Rin didn't need telling twice.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting a bit more serious this chapter, sadly, sex-monsters are unfortunately not all fun and games. It seemed my brain decided to go the schmaltzy romantic comedy-route instead of the shocking, embarrassing crack-route this chapter round, but oh well. Onwards!
> 
> (Also, whilst editing this I noticed that chapter one jumped to the front of the fic pages? I dunno why, I didn't change it at all - it does need some editing but I was planning to do that after posting this. Sorry about that :( )

_{how to train your sex-monster in three easy steps}_

It was Sunday. Makoto’s eyes popped open, and for a moment he luxuriated in the feel of Haruka’s body pressed against his chest. He glanced down at his boyfriend – boyfriend! It was still unbelievable, even after two weeks - and smiled tiredly; Haruka was still sleeping soundly, his breathing slow and steady.

He wanted to run his fingers through Haruka’s hair; he wanted to watch him sleep peacefully for hours, memorising the play of the sunlight on his face; he wanted to carefully kiss his way down Haruka’s body, committing every part of him and taste of him to memory, taking his time. This was the first morning they’d woken up in the same bed together after all – Makoto had slept over.

But none of that was going to happen. Makoto had to get out of bed, now, and he had to do it without Haruka waking up.

He edged his way away from Haru slowly, first shifting his chest backwards a little, and then working his butt and legs into the same direction. He grimaced a little at that, it hurt. This was nothing new really, his lower region seemed to be in a perpetual state of injury these days. It wasn’t a bad hurt, but…

It wasn’t Haruka’s fault either. Makoto hadn’t wanted to hurt him, so he’d decided to be on the receiving end from the start. He hadn’t thought they would be engaging in sex as often as they did though, so ouch.

He wormed his way backwards a little more, checking to see if Haru’s breathing pattern changed at all. Nope, he was still in the clear. He swung his legs over the bed gingerly - ouch, glanced back at Haruka one more time, and then tiptoed across the floor to the pile of clothes that included his boxers.

Haru’s jammers were tossed haphazardly, almost possessively over the boxers, and Makoto blushed at the image, and at the memories of the previous night.

He slipped them on, and then rooted around for his jeans. That was precaution number one. _Wear clothes_. Haruka was far more successful at initiating sex if Makoto was in any state of undress. Oh, who was he kidding, so far Haruka had a 100% success rate at initiating sex regardless of his attire, but it was time to take a stand.

He left his T-shirt where it was and softly left the room whilst pulling his jeans over his legs and thankfully not tripping.

That was precaution number two: _Get out of the bedroom._ Just two weeks had already taught Makoto a lot about Haruka in predatorial-wantsexneedsex-now mode. It wasn’t very different to his wantwatermuststripmustswim-mode, really. The trick was to remove the temptation from Haruka. Prevention was the cure. When it came to water, the way to avoid catastrophe was to take Haruka to places where there was no water. And well, when it came to sex Makoto was sure that not lying naked in Haru’s bed would be a fairly good preventative. It was a start, at least. Haruka didn’t seem to care where he had sex, but, yeah, removing temptation, that was the thing.

He tottered down the stairs a little unsteadily towards the kitchen.

Time for precaution three: _Distract him._ Heaven knew, that was a difficult thing to do. Once Nanase Haruka had his sights set on something, he was like a magnet in the approximate range of a large clump of metal, he was unstoppably propelled by the attraction. But there were two things that could momentarily take up his attention, water and mackerel. Water was a no-no, Makoto had discovered, because Haruka had no qualms about having sex in water, in fact he liked that best. Mackerel though, he might have a fighting chance with mackerel.

He wasn’t the best cook, but he got out the grill and the fish – he did not tie Haruka’s apron around his torso, he wasn’t dumb, aprons were to sex like red flags were to bulls – and started cooking his shameful fish breakfast.

This was wrong.

He was purposefully scheming to not have sex with the man he loved. It was a horrible thing to do, but Makoto needed a reprieve. Everything hurt, and he was exhausted. Was there something like sex exhaustion? He needed to not have sex today. Just today. Sunday was a rest day, right? Wasn’t it okay to rest?

When he’d woken up this morning, tiredly, he’d immediately thought he’d want to spend the morning in bed with Haruka, cuddling. Cuddling and kissing. _Only_ cuddling and kissing. And then he’d realised that that wasn’t a possibility. Haruka would want sex. Haruka liked sex a lot (a gross understatement), sex was the third part of the holy Haruka trilogy, he wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t have it.

So, Makoto had _schemed,_ and the ‘precaution’-plan had been formulated. And now he was standing over a pan of mackerel, wracked with guilt.

Two slim arms wound their way around his torso, and Haru kissed Makoto’s shoulder blades and pressed himself against his back. He hadn’t even heard him coming downstairs, probably due to the crackling of oil in the frying pan.

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” his tone of voice didn’t imply anything, but Makoto knew the words meant more than just the statement they appeared to be. It was a complaint, a gentle reprimand. Makoto swivelled his neck to look at him.

“It’s our first morning together as a couple, so I wanted to surprise you with breakfast,” he lied, forcing a smile. And now he was being dishonest too. Haru looked cute, eyes still a little droopy from sleep and hair mussed.

His arms tightened around Makoto’s torso almost painfully though, and he looked alert instantly. “…What’s wrong?”

Makoto turned back to the fish. Of course, he was a fool. Haruka always knew when he was lying, or when he was putting on a brave façade, or a not 100% genuine smile. Why had he thought he’d be able to fool him?

He picked up a fish with the skillet half-heartedly.

Haru unwound his arms and stood next to him. “What’s wrong?” he repeated insistently, eyes fixed on Makoto.

Makoto tore his gaze away from the fish and met his boyfriend’s – (boyfriend!) - obliquely honest gaze, and saw nothing but concern and protectiveness.

He sighed. “It… it hurts,” he managed. “I hurt. I mean, I’m sore. So I didn’t want to have sex today.” That was it, but not all of it. “So I thought I’d,” his gaze dropped to the floor, “Distract you with food.” Still not all of it, but enough for now maybe. He attempted another smile, “But it’s not a big deal, and…”

Haruka didn’t laugh at him, or look angry, he only looked thoughtful and gently took the skillet out of his hand. “I’ll do it, your cooking is horrible,” he interrupted, a microscopic smile on his lips. “Sit down, do you want a cushion?”

“I’ll make tea,” Makoto offered gingerly, not entirely sure if everything was okay, if they were okay.

“Your tea is horrible too,” and this time he was definitely teasing, “Just sit. You can boil the kettle if you want.”

Makoto retrieved a cushion, and then he sat -ouch, fretting internally as he watched Haruka bustle in the kitchen. He’d put on his apron, and was making tea while keeping an eye on the almost cooked fish.

Neither of them said anything. Haruka stirred tea and then skilfully flipped the mackerel onto two plates, and carried the tea and the food to the table.

Then he went back to the kitchen cabinet and retrieved a bottle of soy sauce, and a bottle of cooking oil, and cutlery and salt. He also bought these to the table, perfectly normal behaviour, but there was a weirdly sensual stance to his hips. It looked off.

Then the routine deviated from the norm, and Haruka undid the drawstring of the shorts he’d been wearing. His pants dropped to the floor, and he stepped out of them, completely bare, standing and looking down at Makoto unselfconsciously.

Part of Makoto thought, ‘oh no, _he didn’t,_ not after the part where I nervously shared my intimacy problems for the day and said I didn’t want to have sex,’ and sadly, another comparatively smaller (but not small) part of his body reacted.  
(He was _seventeen_.)

As Makoto’s different body parts argued with each other, Haruka dropped to his knees and then crawled – _crawled_ \- onto Makoto’s lap, still remarkably naked.

And wasn’t it amazing how he’d seen Haru nude these past two weeks more than he’d seen him clothed, and it was still unbearably beautiful?

“Haru,” he warned.

Haruka gently kissed the corner of his mouth, settling into his lap fully, rolling his sinful nakedness around Makoto’s jeans. “It’s okay,” he said, lips still against Makoto’s jaw, warm breath tickling his ear, the edges of his black fringe tickling everything. “I won’t do you.”

Not the point Haru, not the point at all.

Haruka Nanase, _seducer extraordinaire_ nipped at Makoto’s earlobe – damnit, his ears were almost his most sensitive body part and Haru knew that - and then breathed, “It won’t hurt you. I want you to do me.” And then he reached for the cooking oil.

Well, damn.  
(…He was _seventeen._ )

The mackerel went cold on the table.

* * *

_{we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time}_

Kou was walking out of the locker room irritably when Nagisa and Rei approached. Nagisa was happily chattering about how math period was finally over, it really sucked that math was their last class on a Friday wasn’t it, but now they could swim and forget all about stupid vectors and equations.

Rei tuned out this blasphemy and took stock of Kou’s seemingly flaring ears, the stubborn set to her lips and the determined gait to her walk. He licked his lips apprehensively.

“Are they, are _they_ in there?” he asked, eyes nervously darting towards the locker room.

She didn’t have to reply, because right then Makoto’s by now familiar moan of, “Ah, Haru-u-u!” resounded over the pool area. Kou’s eye twitched and she did stomp her foot at that.

“Enough,” she snapped, glaring at Rei and Nagisa. “I’ve had enough of this.”

Rei stared at her worriedly, Nagisa leaned forward in interest. “Gou-chan’s angry!” he exclaimed.

“It’s Kou,” she barked. “Anyway, go change. We have a meeting here in two minutes, just the three of us.”

“But Makoto-senpai and Haru-chan-san are in…” Rei began.

“Quick,” Kou snapped. “Go change. Just don’t look at them, they won’t care. They’re in the back corner behind the lockers anyway so you won’t see them if you’re careful, but its not like there’s any shame or decency left in either of them anymore. Especially not in Haruka-senpai.” She glowered.

Nagisa sniggered and gleefully bounced towards the locker room, throwing the door open. “Afternoon Haru-chan, Mako-chan!” Rei heard him bellow sunnily. “Ooh, nice position today, I hear that gives maximum pleasure!”

He squawked a half-involuntary strangled, “Nagisa-kun!” and Kou glowered at him. “Go!” she ordered imperiously, pointing to the locker room.

Rei went, covering his head with his hand and staring at the floor industriously as he stepped into the locker room and _notlisteningnotlisteningnotlistening._ He was at one with the silence, with the nothingness. He was Zen. Nothing he could hear could faze him.

He fumbled his way to his locker and then quickly and neatly disrobed.

He’d also started wearing his swim-suit under his school clothes since well, since _this_ had started, because he’d never known when he wouldn’t be able to get into the locker room, so it was easier to just discreetly pull off his clothes outside and neatly fold them into his bag than to deal with…. _This_.

“Haaah,” moaned Makoto on cue, ruining Rei’s Zen-bubble.

‘It was really hard to continue respecting your captain,’ he mused as he studiously tugged off a sock, ‘When you intimately knew what he sounded like on the brink of orgasm.’ He did still respect Makoto-senpai, because he was still the same, gentle caring person he had always been, albeit just a gentle caring person that now participated in public acts of lewd sex a few times per day.

‘Everybody has their faults,’ Rei thought virtuously, going for the other sock.

And he still respected Haruka-senpai too, of course. He did not particularly enjoy the occasions where they would all happily be swimming in their lanes, and then suddenly Haruka-senpai would startlingly charge across Rei and Nagisa’s lanes like an avenging dolphin into Makoto’s and smush him up against the pool wall, right there, until Kou started yelling. (On one memorable occasion, she’d dislodged him from Makoto with the pool’s net.) So scandalous. And it really put Rei off his butterfly stroke.

Rei folded the socks into his locker. There, all done. Now he could sprint out of there, he just had to remember to keep his head down, and _notlisteningnotlisteningnotlistening._

“Ooh Mako-chan, your moans are so sexy,” Nagisa was still chattering amicably. “Oh, you look pissed Haru-chan, haha don’t worry, I’m not into Mako-chan, well, not in a romantic sense. I just meant I think he should be a porn star. I’m sure gay guys all over the world would love to see Mako-chan urk-.” They never did get to hear what gay guys all over the world would have loved to see Mako-chan do, because Rei had corralled Nagisa’s neck and was herding him out of the locker room determinedly, gritting his teeth as he made a break for the relative normality of outside.

He succeeded.

Kou was tapping her foot right outside the door. “That was three minutes,” she barked waspishly, clearly still in a horrible mood, “Three extra laps for both of you.”

Rei released his hold on Nagisa’s neck.

“But for now we have more important things to discuss,” Kou’s ponytail bobbed dramatically as she led them towards the far end of the pool, presumably to engage in gossip, Rei deduced.

She stood legs apart, hands on her hips and faced them.

“It’s been a month!” she began. “Four weeks of listening to sex, seeing live sex, smelling sex! Weeks where I’ve learned more about man-sex than the most perverted _fujoshi_ knows, and I never asked to! I feel like my life has become the set of a porn movie! It has to stop! We have to stop Haruka-senpai!”

Rei stared at his bare feet. Stopping Haruka-senpai wasn’t something that he wanted to contemplate. Haruka-senpai generally floated through life disregarding most things, it seemed, but when it came to water, and sex with Makoto, wild dogs wouldn’t drag Haruka-senpai away. Wild feral dogs. He was just like that.

Nagisa was supremely unhelpful. “Aww, but they’re having so much fun Gou-chan,” he beamed.

Gou… Kou, Rei amended, seemed to realise that she was not reaching her target audience with her words. She looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I don’t think Makoto-senpai is having that much fun,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean, Gou-chan?”

“He looks so tired these days,” she murmured. “And he’s always limping, and covered in marks. He looks _wounded_.”

Rei adjusted his goggles on his head.

“Sometimes Haru-chan is the one limping,” Nagisa pointed out.

“Yeah, but _he_ looks like he really enjoys his limping,” Kou spat, eyes flashing. It seemed the mere mention of Haruka-senpai triggered violent anger in her. “Makoto doesn’t. He just looks exhausted. I don’t know why Haruka-senpai doesn’t notice that, I thought he cared for Makoto more than just physically.” She punched the air. “How they cared for each other when they were just friends was beautiful. I thought their bond was really special, not just the plot of a cheap low-grade porn movie.”

Ah. And there it was. The niggling feeling that something about this was wrong -–besides all their collective innocence being corrupted of course – and Kou had hit the nail on the head.

“Hormones can make you blind,” Nagisa said sagely, but sounding more subdued than he normally would have.

Rei decided to enter the conversation. “Excessive sexual activity depletes the brain and spinal fluids of acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Also diminished are hormones such as hGH, DHEA, testosterone, thyroxine and Triiodothyronine, all neurotransmitters that are responsible for human functioning. This is detrimental to one’s physical wellbeing and explains Makoto-senpai’s exhaustion.”

Nagisa gave him a blank look, and Rei adjusted his goggles again.

“I agree with Kou-kun, they are both endangering their health, and,” he sighed, “I want to help Makoto-senpai. And Haruka-senpai. I don’t think this is good for them physically or emotionally. Even if Haruka-senpai is still enjoying this now, the long-term effects of overindulging in sexual intercourse will deteriorate his health. I don’t want them to be unhealthy, or unhappy.”

Kou gave him a small smile. “And it would be nice if we could go into the locker room without seeing porn,” she added. “What do we do though?”

Rei straightened his shoulders. “We should talk to Haruka-senpai. We should gently make him see that he’s hurting his friend. Haruka-senpai cares about Makoto; about all of us, even if he’s blinded by lust he should understand if we…”

“We should stage an intervention!” Nagisa whooped, suddenly energized.

Rei was fairly certain that Nagisa was viewing this as some new exciting game to play, as something he hadn’t tried yet instead of an emergency friends-in-need situation.

“Yosh! We should do it now!” Nagisa pumped a fist in the air. “I’ll go grab Mako-chan, you two get Haru-chan, he’ll be more difficult to handle!” And with that he was off, charging towards the locker room, ignoring Rei’s despairing calls of, “Nagisa-kun! Wait! We should plan first!”

Kou groaned. “Well, I suppose we’re staging a spontaneous intervention,” she grumbled. “Not like we have a choice.”

There were sudden shouts in the locker room, and then Rei winced as he heard Nagisa shout, “Haha! I’m stealing Mako-chan away from you Haru-chan and you can’t stop me!” – and then the locker room door burst open and Nagisa emerged, firmly dragging a confused looking Makoto-senpai by the wrist.

‘Thank gods, he’s wearing his swimsuit,’ was the first thing Rei thought. Having a naked spontaneous intervention would have been doubly awkward. Nagisa broke into a run, looking frantically enthusiastic, still dragging Makoto, and then Haruka appeared at the locker room door.

Rei gulped. He looked pissed, as if he were about to go one-on-one with a man who’d thrown vats of concrete mix into a pool.

Nagisa came galloping towards them, dragging Makoto, stopping only long enough to dramatically yell, “Haru-chan’s coming! Catch him! Or save yourselves!” He snickered gleefully as he ran past.

Rei exchanged glances with Kou.

It was certainly very tempting to let Haruka catch up with Nagisa and beat him to a pulp, and let him drag Makoto (the spoils of victory) back to his locker-cave, but no. They were a team, even though Nagisa danced to a very different beat, they could do this for Makoto-senpai and for Haruka-senpai.

He would clobber Nagisa afterwards.

Kou’s eyes on his were decisive. “I’ll be the bad cop,” she said softly.

“Then I’ll be the good cop,” Rei said.

“And I’ll be the robber!” Nagisa yelled from far behind them, damn, but he had good hearing.

She gave a little nod, as did Rei, and they both turned to face Haruka, who – to his immense credit – was not indulging Nagisa’s whims and running after him. He looked deeply annoyed, blue eyes stormy, but he was walking calmly towards them.

Rei risked a glance backwards. Nagisa (still clutching the helpless Makoto) was dancing at the edge of the pool, waggling his fingers and sticking out his tongue at Haruka. “I’ve got Mako-chan and you can’t have him!” he chanted.

Rei looked to the front again, and his respect for Haruka-senpai was boundless, because he only blinked at the goading as he reached them.

“What is he doing?” he asked quietly. “We were kissing, and then he grabbed Makoto, pulled him away and said he was a hostage and I would never see him again.”

Rei rolled his eyes and Kou scowled darkly.

“That’s right! This is an intervention!” Nagisa declared, clearly having the time of his life. “Nobody move!”

“That’s not how interventions work,” Kou snapped crossly. Her voice softened. “But he’s right about one thing Haruka-senpai, this is an intervention.”

“An intervention?” he repeated blankly.

Kou nodded.

“Haruka-senpai,” Rei began, “We’re worried.”

“We’re concerned about Makoto,” Kou said firmly.

“About Makoto and you,” Rei added.

Haruka’s eyes widened.

Kou ploughed on bravely. “You’re hurting Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai,” she said ruthlessly.

Rei understood why she said that, but it was heart-wrenching to see Haruka-senpai, who had once given up on swimming because he had hurt a friend, process the idea that he was hurting _Makoto_.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured.

“You’re having too much sex Haru-chan!” Nagisa yelled, giving him a thumbs up.

“I’m not hurting him with…” Haruka began.

“You are,” Kou said, voice hard but eyes soft. “Look at him. Really look at him.”

Nagisa obliged, unfurling Makoto from behind his back as if he were Exhibit A, or alternatively an item being advertised on an infomercial channel.

Makoto was shaking his head in protest. Haruka examined him intently.

“Look how tired he is Haruka-senpai,” Kou continued, relentless. “His grades are dropping because he’s too tired to study, you know. He almost passed out at practice the other day. But you don’t know that because you’re only interested in his body lately. Look at all those marks on him, do you think it’s okay for him to have to always hide his body from his family? When last did you properly talk to Makoto?”

Haruka’s eyes widened even more.

“Makoto is a person Haruka-senpai,” she went on sternly. She was _good_ at playing bad-cop, maybe a little too good at it. “He’s not a pool. You can’t just dive into him whenever you feel like it, because he has a life too; he gets hurt too, he wants to do his own things sometimes, _he is not an inanimate body of water_!”

Ouch. Haruka flinched.

“Sex is healthy,” Rei interjected hurriedly, before Kou could rip Haruka-senpai's heart out even more, “But too much sex can cause a lot of strain on a body. And it affects your concentration. Don’t you feel tired too sometimes Haruka-senpai? With your training regimens, and the amount of sex you two have you should be exhausted all the time.”

“Haru-chan is a stud, he never gets tired!” Nagisa interjected helpfully from over the water.

Rei scowled, but thankfully Haruka didn’t seem to be paying Nagisa any attention. He was still staring at Makoto, trembling.

“We think,” Rei said, “We think you have a problem Haruka-senpai. And we want to help you.”

Haruka finally tore his gaze away from Makoto, who was now trying to extricate himself from Nagisa’s vice-like grip. He looked at Rei. “You are my friends,” he said slowly. “And if you think something is wrong…” he trailed off, and bit his lip. “If I’m hurting Makoto, he’ll never admit it, so I should be the strong one, right?”

He wasn’t really talking to them anymore, Rei realised, he was talking to himself. Then he looked at the hostage scene at the end of the pool again.

“Makoto!” he called across the pool, some sort of intent in his face.

Rei glanced backwards. Makoto looked horrified. “Haru, no!” he shouted. “I’m fine!”

“Makoto,” Haruka-senpai’s voice had a warning tone in it, and Makoto’s eyes dropped to the sparkling pool water.

“Well, yes, my grades have been dropping, and I am tired, but I’m working on that - I'm eating plenty of nuts and seeds, I read up on that, and it's already helping…” he started.

Haruka's eyes were shimmering, Rei had never seen him look that emotional. “Oh Makoto,” he said softly.

He moved past Kou and Rei and stood facing the pool. Then he dove into the water, beautifully as always. Just a few simple dolphin-like kicks under the water, and he resurfaced near the side where Nagisa was still determinedly holding onto Makoto’s wrist. Haruka-senpai watched him for a moment, and then gently took hold of Makoto’s ankle, looking up at him from the water.

Makoto-senpai stared down at him, eyes suspiciously bright.

Rei couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, because he was speaking softly, but it looked like: “I’m sorry Makoto.” Or possibly, “I worry Makoto.”

Nagisa seemed to notice that Kou and Rei couldn’t hear, and decided to take up the role of interpreter. “He’s saying he’s sorry!” he bellowed across the pool.

“You don’t have to apologise Haru,” Makoto said urgently. Oddly enough, it looked like he really meant that. “It’s not like you forced me, I wanted it too. Though,” he said, voice a little shy, “It is nice just hugging and kissing you sometimes.”

“He’s saying he wants romance, not just sex!” translated Nagisa.

“We can _hear_ him,” Rei snapped, feeling his cheeks redden.

This seemed to upset Haruka even more. “You want... just hugs?” he asked slowly. (Rei felt bad for watching, this was somehow more intimate than the live porn.)

“No!” Makoto back-pedalled. “Definitely not just hugs. But sometimes maybe we could just kiss and cuddle. Or talk.” He seemed to notice his audience and blushed, as if saying the words 'kiss' and 'cuddle' were far more embarrassing than being caught having sex repeatedly.

“Still saying stuff about romance!” Nagisa called, eyeing a passing dragonfly. Rei activated his ‘ignore the embarrassing Nagisa’-button and pretended he didn’t exist.

Haruka was still staring up at Makoto from the water, and nodded decisively. “Okay,” he said. “Makoto, you are romantic, and I forgot that. I was selfish. I was so addicted to your body, to having sex with you that I forgot to be your friend.” The words were stilted and awkward, but Makoto’s face was rapidly reddening. Haruka stared at the ankle he was holding onto, and then leaned forward and gently pressed his lips onto Makoto’s bare foot. Makoto squeaked. So did Kou. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend. I will show you that our friendship and our relationship is important to me, and,” Haruka took a deep breath, looking deeply troubled. “I won’t have sex for a month to prove it.”

“Aww,” said Kou.

‘So sweet,’ thought Rei.

“I’ll bet 1000 yen against that,” said Nagisa.

“No sex? What? No!” said Makoto, looking appalled.

Haruka was sporting a small, genuine smile and he tugged at Makoto’s ankle playfully. The pool side was probably wet, because Makoto immediately went tumbling into the pool with a surprised shout. When he surfaced, Haruka was there, smiling at him, and then the two wet boys were hugging each other in the water, and it was kind of beautiful. Rei’s heart felt light and happy.

Until Nagisa yelled, “Group hug!” and jumped into the pool too, immediately hanging onto Haruka’s back.

“He’s not reading the moment,” Rei grumbled. Then he saw that Haruka-senpai was smiling at him and Kou, and Nagisa was laughing on his back, as Makoto extended a hand to them, beaming.

To complete the happy perfection, a small white butterfly alighted onto Haruka-senpai's hair.

“Maybe he is reading the moment correctly," Kou said, giving Rei a small smile. "Just this once." And with that they both leapt into the pool, and Makoto slung an arm around Rei and Kou ducked her head between Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai's arms, and they hugged.

  
Beautiful.

* * *

_{another sex monster appears}_

“Haru,” Makoto said as they were walking home, “You didn’t really mean that about not having sex for a month, did you?”

“I meant it,” Haruka said, playfully giving the long fingers curled in his hand a little squeeze.

“Well, you don’t have to, because Kou and Rei and Nagisa, they meant well with their intervention, but they never asked my opinion,” he said.

Haruka glanced over at Makoto. His green eyes were serious.

“I mean, maybe they’re right, and we’ve been having too much sex. But I wanted it every time, you know. If I look at you, and you give me that look, I want it. Even when I’m tired I still want you, so it was never your fault.”

Haruka nodded, and squeezed his index finger in understanding. Makoto wanted him to not feel guilty. Fine, it had been consensual, he knew that already. But he’d still been wrong, because he hadn’t taken Makoto’s character into account when they’d started this. Makoto would literally kill himself to make others happy, and in this case had been on the way to doing that. It was Haruka’s job to prevent that, not instigate it.

“Anyway,” Makoto said, “We don’t have to abstain, right? Instead of a sex fast, maybe we should go on a sex diet?” His eyes were glittering, hopeful, as he stared at Haru. “We could have sex twice a day, instead of three times and two blow-jobs like we usually do?”

Haruka smiled a little. “No,” he said. “No sex for a month, I was serious.”

“Once a day?” Makoto countered pleadingly. “And one blowjob?”

“It’s not a transaction,” Haruka said.

“Haru, that’s not fair,"Makoto whined. "I never agreed to this. I need sex too. Fine, just blowjobs and handjobs for a week, and then we can have sex once a day?”

Haruka ran his thumb over Makoto’s. “No,” he said.

“Three times a week?”

“No.”

“Twice?”

“Stop that.”

Makoto frowned. “Then I’ll have to seduce you,” he declared.

“You can try, but it won’t work,” Haruka said pleasantly, leaning over to plant a small kiss on his cheek. Actually, it was going to be really hard to say no to Makoto, never mind not grabbing him whenever he pleased, and he mentally resigned himself to lots of cold showers – yaye! – but he would hold fast.

They were going to be _romantic_ if it killed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After precisely a month, Haruka jumped Makoto in sex-crazed frenzy, and Makoto jumped Haruka fuelled by lust twenty minutes after that, and it was as if the sex fast had never happened, and they were all over each other everywhere. Kou and Rei and Rin and everyone bar Nagisa were back to being horribly embarrassed, and also became used to calls from Makoto and Haruka asking them to bail them out of jail (they became regulars in the slammer thanks to constant public indecency busts.) And Mako and Haru lived happily ever after, scarring people world-wide with their public sex-monster displays :) The end.
> 
> I was going to initially make Haruka give into Makoto’s sex-crazed haggling at the end thar, but then I realised I probably had to stick to the message (what message lol). I dunno, it just seemed right :( 
> 
> ‘We don’t have to take our clothes off (to have a good time)’ is another song reference, and it was stuck in my head for a good portion of writing this fic. It's by Jermaine Stewart, I just googled that.
> 
> Ty very much for comments and kudos, I hope you enjoyed reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it and sorry for inflicting this on you! :D
> 
> EDIT: I don't know why the end notes from chapter one are at the end of this chapter either? I'm new to AO3, am I doing something wrong? :(

**Author's Note:**

> And let’s end it with Rin being traumatised for now… 
> 
> The second and final part of the fic is mostly written – the fic is actually a oneshot, but it’s monstrously long so I decided to split it up. Technically this is against the rules I’ve implemented for myself – I’m trying to only stick to oneshots because I have a sucky record at updating fics, but it’ll be up soon, it’s almost done and dusted.
> 
> Everything I do (I do it for You) (the song Makoto was singing at the start of this fic) is a seriously sappy love song from Brian Adams that I'm sure most people are familiar with. It just seemed to fit the extreme soppy feelings I wanted Makoto to be feeling, never mind that I'm not sure whether this is the kind of song a Japanese teenager would know ;) Let's just pretend they do. Ditto 'Can You feel the Love Tonight?' by Elton John. (Btw, Haruka also has a theme song for this fic, and it's 'Let's get it on' by Marvin Gaye.)
> 
> (…Also, sex-monster Haru is totally legit, because as everyone in this fandom knows, Haru is a dolphin and dolphins have insane libidos. Hmm.)


End file.
